Abuse in relationships is all too common. Once you are in a committed relationship with someone who is abusive, you will find that it is harder to get out of it than when you are dating. This is because you begin to experience a crisis of self-doubt and low self-esteem the longer you are in the relationship. The best thing to do is to pay attention to signs that you are dating an abusive man and end the relationship as soon as you figure it out. Here are five signs that you are dating an abusive man:
1. He's possessive. He wants you to spend your time exclusively with him. He is jealous of your friends and family and discourages you from being with them. He attempts to pull you away from them by putting them down and putting a wedge between you and them. He texts you constantly and gets upset, if you don't answer right away. He always wants to know where you are and what you are doing and questions you about it.
2. He's got a master mentality. He talks a lot of submission and the roles husband and wife should have. He talks negatively about women and their abilities and characteristics. He makes statements that reflect his view that women have their "place" and that women want to rule over men. (You may have to listen to subtle cues on this, if he isn't being completely open yet with his comments.)
3. He's too serious too fast. If he loves you right away, wants to spend all his time with you right away, walks into your life and "takes care of you," he may be exhibiting controlling behavior rather than caring for you. Be careful, if you are looking for someone to fall in love with and a partner to help you with your responsibilities financially and otherwise, because you may be vulnerable with someone who walks into your life and takes over-too much.
4. He's got you walking on eggshells. If you are already noticing that you are afraid to tell him things because of his reaction, then you are already reacting to the abusive nature, even though it might be subtle at this point. If you are afraid of his reaction when you tell him no, are late, cancel plans, share an opinion, turn down an offer, don't answer his call, or argue with him, then you are already sensing the anger and control.
5. He's got you questioning yourself. If he blames you when things go wrong, shames you for making mistakes, interrogates you to get explanations, or makes you feel crazy when you disagree with him, then you are beginning to feel the common self-doubt and invalidation that is a part of abuse. Abusive men cannot take criticism and comments about their behavior. They are defensive and attacking and use techniques to turn it back on to you. You will notice yourself replaying conversations and events and wondering if you really did and said what he perceived.
When you see these five signs (and you don't have to have all of them), you are dating an abusive man. You will spare yourself a lot of trouble, if you get out before you get entrenched. God doesn't want you to be abused or controlled; he wants you to be loved and cherished.